The control of your computer has now been assumed by . . .

THE OFFICIAL AUTHORIZED EXTREMELY COMPLICATED YET INFALLIBLE ADULTHOOD DETECTOR!

The Infallible Adulthood Detector is even at this very moment sending out its Infallible, Impenetrable, Patented Adulthood Detection Rays through this specially programmed HTTP server, through the international telephone network, through your host computer, through your local network, computer, and monitor and DIRECTLY into the Officially Approved Adulthood Detection Device that was oh-so-cleverly implanted by Act of Congress on the interior of your skull three and a fraction days before your were born!

BWAhahahahahAHahAHAHAHahahaha hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!!!!!!!!

[Note: The preceding bloodcurdlingly insane cackle was sound emitted by an entire herd of deranged Congresscritters. Some believe this is their mating cry; others consider it a sign they must be put out of their misery immediately.]


Putting all this fiendishly clever technology to a legally authorized and beneficent use, The Official Authorized Extremely Complicated Yet Infallible Adulthood Detector is hard at work and has determined that . . .

(whizz, whirr, whirlll, hummmmmmMMmmMMmmmMMMMMm, snap-crackle-whoooOOOOOOOoooosh, clink-clank-clunk, hissssSSSSSSSSssssssssssssss . . . . . . BZZZZZZT!)

REJECT!!!!!!!! You are NOT an adult! You're NOT EVEN CLOSE!!

And you did not fool The Official Authorized Adulthood Detector for even one little bitty instant, so DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP!!!!!!!!!


Now please pay strict attention to the following Officially Approved Announcement:

YOUR UNAUTHORIZED ATTEMPT TO ACCESS SLEAZE, SMUT, AND FILTH HAS BEEN DETECTED BY THE PROPER AUTHORITIES!

AND YOUR FELONIOUS MOUSE CLICKS HAVE BEEN RECORDED AND WILL BE REPORTED TO THE PROPER LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES IMMEDIATELY!

GO TO JAIL! GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL! DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT VIEW ANY NAUGHTY BITS! DO NOT ENJOY YOURSELF IN ANY WAY!!!!

YOUR EMOTIONS ARE BEING MONITORED AND RECORDED!!!!!

DO NOT PRESS THE BACK ARROW KEY!!!!!!!!!!!

YOUR KEYPRESSES ARE BEING MONITORED AND RECORDED!


Good news! As of June 26, 1997, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned the Communications Decency Act. Hooray!

So, even though you have been automatically detected as A Child (because you are browsing between 8am and 10pm Central Time in the U.S., which the Supreme Court in its wisdom has declared to be a completely valid way to discrminate between children and adults), we can now officially let you in to see ALL the smut nevertheless!

Click below to proceed directly to THE SMUT--you won't want to miss it:

http://brenthugh.com/cctr/naughty.html


We don't really want to, but quite unfortunately we are required by the FOIA and other Highly Important Federal Laws Which Bureaucrats Such As Myself Never Even Think About Disobeying, to make known the full and complete set of data returned by the Official Authorized Extremely Complicated Yet Infallible Adulthood Detector, which has been determined by law and Important FCC Regulations to Infallibly Detect your Adulthood and/or Lack Thereof. So here it is:

The time is: 20:06:15

Additional vitally important information:

Daylight Savings Time is in effect.